


Sweet Disaster

by KananOrgana



Series: Survival [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Gen, Kanan Jarrus Lives, One Big Happy Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23046403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KananOrgana/pseuds/KananOrgana
Summary: “Kanan’s eyes flashed a brilliant teal one last time before he pushed the patrol ship away as the fireball enveloped him.”Or the obligatory Rebels fic writer’s Jedi Night fix-it fic. Not tackling the finale because that's an entirely different can of worms.ORIGINALLY POSTED THE WRONG DOC. IF YOU READ THIS THE FIRST DAY IT WAS POSTED, REREAD THE CORRECT VERSION THANKS IK IM AN IDIOT
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Series: Survival [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758055
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44





	Sweet Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still in denial over Jedi Night. And I don't for one SECOND believe that was the first time Hera told Kanan she loved him, but I guess that's what happen when a bunch of men write Star Wars. Anyway, here's Wonderwall

Hera sat in front of Kanan’s table, gripping her elbows. Staying in that room was bad for her and she knew it but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. She reached for Kanan’s ponytail and ran her fingers through it, thinking about how she’d never be able to do it again. That’s when the tears spilled over for the thousandth time that night. Hera didn’t even notice by that point.

She heard Ezra walking around outside the room. She was pretty sure Sabine was out there standing guard and she hated it. She just wanted to be alone. No, not alone. She wanted to be with Kanan.

“I talked to the Lothwolves. There was a new one that talked.” She heard Ezra say.

“What did it tell you?”

“Nothing that made sense, but I thought I felt Kanan. Come on. You need to eat.”

“Do NOT say kark like that!” Hera yelled. She didn’t have to see Ezra to know he tensed up. She never cursed in front of him or Sabine or even Zeb. But talking about Kanan like he wasn’t dead was simply unacceptable and she wouldn’t put up with it.

“But Hera--” Sabine argued.

“She needs time. We all do, but we also all grieve differently. I think she needs to be alone for a while.” Ezra said. She heard two sets of footsteps go further into the base. Hera chuckled. Kanan’s sageness had certainly rubbed on Ezra. Seeing him grow even more would be difficult as more Kanan came out. But the idea of a talking Lothwolf appealed to Hera. She wanted to know what he had to say. She went out to the area she’d last seen them to find the brown one standing there, almost as if he was waiting for her. As she approached, he knelt down and Hera climbed onto his back.

“I assume you know why I’m here.” Hera said. The wolf nodded and took off deep into the plains. She knew Kanan’s plan had worked. And Hera would be damned before she let his  
sacrifice--the word made her tense up--be in vain. She would make it mean something. It would never be worth what had happened to him, but she sure as hell could make sure it wasn’t a waste.

The wolf ran and ran until they neared a large white Lothwolf. Hera jumped off the other wolf’s back before he even made it to the ground. As she stared up at the white Lothwolf, she felt some strange energy emanating from him, though she didn’t know what, exactly. Power, maybe? Knowledge?

When he looked at her, Hera felt as though he was staring into her very soul. “Dume lives.” He said. Hera took a few steps back. She didn’t respond, she just stared with wide eyes.

“Dume. Lives.” He repeated, slower that time. Hera started shaking her head so hard her lekku swayed.

“No. Kanan is dead. I watched him die. I WATCHED!” Tears started welling up in her eyes but she wasn’t going to cry. She wouldn’t. She was determined because Kanan wouldn’t want her to cry anymore. Kanan and Chopper were the only ones she’d ever cried in front of and she wasn't about to add a lying wolf to the mix.

“DUME!” The wolf growled. He looked angry, but Hera was angrier. The tears finally spilled over and she spun on her heel and walked back to camp. She didn’t care how long it would take. She would never interact with a kriffing Lothwolf again.

She passed by Sabine on her way to the room, but she didn’t say anything. Sabine almost followed her, but Zeb stopped her. “We have to let her deal with things, Bean. Don’t think she wants to talk to anyone right now. Sabine frowned. She knew she needed to let Hera take her time but she hated feeling useless. After a moment she nodded and made her way back to her quarters. She knew Hera had always been a very private person. Hells, she rarely confided in anyone but Kanan and he was gone. It hurt Sabine, too, but she couldn’t imagine what Hera was going through.

Hera slid down the wall again, thinking about the white Lothwolf. She didn’t fall asleep. She couldn’t, but she wasn’t fully awake, either. She felt like she was in a dream, a nightmare. She kept replaying the moment Kanan’s eyes changed over and over in her head and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore.

###

Kanan woke up as the sun rose. It was too bright. Then he realized-- it was BRIGHT. He could see! But he noticed that he was alone in an alley and it smelled like garbage. But wait, he wasn’t alone. Morai, Ahsoka’s convor friend, was there, standing on a dumpster. He didn’t know how he got into the alley and he couldn’t remember anything from the previous night. He remembered Hera and Zeb and Chopper and Sabine and Ezra, but he had no idea where the base was.

“What happened?” Kanan croaked. Morai gave a long squawk in response. “I don’t speak convor.”

Morai hopped twice and tilted her head. Kanan chuckled in spite of himself and Morai flew away  
Kanan realized he was starving, but he had no credits. He tried not to think about the last time he was in that position, but failed. The memories weren’t pleasant.

_“That’s it, kid,” The Kalleran said as Kanan bit into the meiloorun ravenously, “No point in observing the Jedi niceties now. Good luck, you’ll need it.” Kanan looked up from his fruit long enough to see Janus walk away._

_“SLEEP!” He yelled. It was louder than he intended, but he was beyond caring at that point._

_“Excuse me?”_

_“I need a safe place to sleep...just for a few hours...Please!” Kanan begged. Janus hesitated for a moment._

_“Fine, you can crash--just this once.”_

_“Thank you, Mister...uh…”_

_“The name’s Kasmir. Janus Kasmir.”_

He didn’t want to use a mind trick against a shop owner. He liked those guys and they were innocent. It wasn’t fair and if his master ever found out, she’d drag him around by his ear. He saw a stormtrooper taking credits from a merchant and a smile formed as he decided to steal them

He bumped into the trooper and swiped the credit bag off his belt. “Sorry, sir.” He closed his eyes. “I’m blind.”

“Well, uh, keep a lookout. I mean--” Kanan just walked away. He opened his eyes after walking a few meters and grinned before taking a peek at the credits. There were more than enough for some Rycrit stew. He usually ordered that when he was alone because it reminded him of Hera. And if he couldn’t remember where the base was or what had happened to him, he could at least rest easy with pleasant memories of his Hera.

The merchant brought him his bowl of stew and, like always, Kanan rushed to eat it even though it was too hot--Hera always laughed at him when he did it, or she’d roll her eyes, which was often equivalent to a laugh.

At first he just felt more burning pain--then a flood of memories. Hera telling him she loved him. Loud blast from a walker. Heat, intense heat. His vision returned and he saw Hera one last time before he felt a tug at the collar of his shirt as the flames began to surround him and then everything went black.

Then he replayed that night in his head over and over. He hadn’t expected her to tell him she loved him because she’d told him a thousand times before, he expected her to mention the kriffing baby he sensed. He knew he was right because there was no confusing sensing a life force.

He laughed to himself and thought about how she was just trying to make sure she had him locked down before telling him, because she had to know at that point. There was no way she hadn’t.

But he also remembered where the base was. He abandoned his stew and darted toward the base. When his legs got tired, he just kept going. He had to see her. He HAD to. But when he got close, he took cover behind a mountain. He knew no one would believe it’s really him (he wouldn’t), but he HAD to talk to Hera--he NEEDED her to know he was alive. He sensed that she’s in the room with the table and he snuck inside.

He saw her before she saw him. His shadow caught Hera’s attention so she turned around and froze. They just stared at each other for five minutes or maybe an hour--time wasn’t real to Kanan anymore. But the silence was starting to get to him.

“Hera?” He asked quietly, wringing his hands together.

“I know.” She could feel that it really was Kanan, but she didn’t know how. She started bawling her eyes out and rushed over and kissed him. It was wet and salty and bruising, but Kanan didn’t care and Hera, frankly, didn't notice. She hit Kanan in the chest and he just laughed and held her. Ezra heard Hera crying and rushes in, but he froze when he sees Kanan.

“Hera, that isn’t him. Get away from it.” He said, igniting his lightsaber.

“Ezra, reach out. Trust your feelings.” Kanan said. Ezra frowned, but did it. He took a quick step back before he dropped his lightsaber altogether and ran up and threw his arms around Kanan’s neck. The commotion attracted Zeb and Sabine and Chopper and they all swarmed around Kanan, and if Kanan didn’t know better, he’d say even Zeb was crying.

“How is this possible? We were there. We saw what happened.” Sabine said.

“I’m not entirely sure. I remember the fire and pushing you all away, and then I felt a tug on my shirt. I woke up in an alley all singed but I couldn’t remember anything until I ate.”

He spent a few hours talking to everyone on base until night fell and he realized how tired he was. Hera never left his side. He yawned and she smiled and took his hand to lead him to her quarters. She decided she wouldn’t be shy about sharing a bed with Kanan anymore--she didn’t care who knew. Life was too short to pretend she didn’t love him. The Rebellion could shove it if they had a problem with it.

“I need to go get my lightsaber.” Kanan grumbled, patting the empty spot on his belt. Hera turned on her heel in an instant and jabbed Kanan’s chest hard.

“Make a new one, Kanan, because if you so much as think about going back to that dome, I will strangle you myself.” She roared. Kanan laughed and started massaging her hand then kissed her palm.

“Well I have always wanted a green one.”

“That’s better.” Hera smiled and kissed his cheek. “I still hate your hair, by the way. I hope you plan on growing it out again. You look nice with long hair. Beard, too. And no, not the damn goatee.”

“Now that I can see it, I do, too. Could be worse.”

“Not by much.” Hera laughed.

“I survived a fuel depot explosion and all you do is give me fodder about my hair.” Kanan shook his head, but he was smiling. It was impossible not to, being around Hera again, considering what almost happened. Hera laughed, too, but she was holding back and Kanan knew it.  
“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Hera said shortly.

“Hera, I’ve known you for ten years. We’ve been together for ten years. I know when something is bothering you.” Hera let her head fall back onto the wall with a thump.

“I’m pregnant.”

“I know.” Kanan couldn’t stop the smile slowly spreading across his face.

“Wait, what?”

“Jedi, remember?”

“How long have you known?” Hera asked. Kanan could tell her face had paled.

“Probably longer than you.” He chuckled.

“And you didn’t tell me, o wise Jedi?”

“Would you have believed me if I did?”

“Don’t pull logic on me like that.” Hera pouted. “And you need to get out of that shirt. It’s full of holes and it smells like fuel and smoke.

“You’re just trying to get me naked!” Kanan grinned. Hera rolled her eyes and threw one of his old sweaters in his face. He didn’t bother trying to catch it. Hera needed the release and Kanan was glad to give it to her.

“Oh, and Hera?” Kanan said, pulling the shirt over his head.

“Yes, love?” She reveled in saying it because she never thought she’d be able to do it again. It was also something Kanan had missed the most over the last few months.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
